you traded sex for a burrito?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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