is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
