i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
