Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize