My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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