where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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