I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
