So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
