I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
