I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
