We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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