my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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