Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
