sarcasm needs its own font
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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