He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
