cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
