I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
