if you like me you must not know who I am
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
