are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
