No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
