no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
