You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
