My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
