you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
