I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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