Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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