Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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