oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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