did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
