Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
