I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
