Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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