Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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