Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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