is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
