I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
