you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My life is pants optional.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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