Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
