fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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