I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Everything about him screamed your future.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
