she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Randomize
