dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That reminds me...we need to get swords
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
