He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
