Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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