operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
