Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
