please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
