4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
