In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
