We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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