Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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