There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
