shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i out mim tonsoeep
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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