new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
