yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
