I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
