i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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