I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
