I understand Curling. That high.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
