i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
