im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
