i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
