My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
