Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
