I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize