She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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