I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
