Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
