my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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