Kareoke will never be a sober sport
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
