I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
