Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
