my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
