Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
