i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
